The Dumping
by balboababe17
Summary: The drama horror to rock The OC


Ryan smiled with satisfaction. That had done it... one last PUSH! Arghhhh... ahhhhhh.

He stood up and flushed. Wrinkling his nose at the smell, he stepped out into the poolhouse without washing his hands. Then Ryan began to make his way to the immaculate kitchen of the Cohen house. Spying a basket of bagels, he rifled through them until he found what he wanted-- the sesame bagel, the last of it's kind.

Sandy entered the kitchen. " Hey Ryan, d'you mind passing me a bagel?" he said, striding to the steaming coffee jug.

" Yeah, sure," Ryan replied, handing Sandy the last sesame bagel, figuring Sandy had sacrificed things for him.

" Thanks," Sandy said as he took the bagel. They both sat down at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, Ryan sipping the coffee Sandy had made for him, and Sandy buttering the sesame bagel.

" So how are ya kid?" Sandy asked Ryan, picking up the buttered bagel.

" Uh, yeah, not to bad," Ryan replied. " I--"

" Ugh! Has this bagel gone stale? It smells HORRIBLE..." Sandy exclaimed, cutting Ryan off and examining the bagel. He sniffed the bagel. " It almost smells like... Ryan have you been washing your hands after going to the toilet?"

Ryan crumbled under Sandy's stern gaze. " Yeah, I've forgotten a couple of times... I just forget, sorry..."

" Oh, Ryan we've been through this. Hygiene is important in Newport. Now, I know, when I was a kid I used to all sorts of unhygienic things. I used to leave a log in the public pools, but here it's different. The people are different. Okay?" Sandy put his hand on Ryan's back, smiling.

Ryan nodded. He had to start shaping up. But then he remembered. " Yeah, speaking of surprises in water... I left one in your's and Kirsten's bathroom. You know.. as a joke," he added at Sandy's expression of horror.

" But... it's Kirsten's morning off and she said she was going to have a nice, luxiourious--"

" SANDY! Someone's been to the toilet in our bath!" Kirsten Cohen screamed, looking terrified and wearing nothing but a pink towel.

" Yeah, honey, Ryan will clean it up," Sandy replied calmly to his disgusted wife.

Ryan got up and moved to the door. He gave Kirsten a look that plainly said _Sorry for taking a dump in your bath_ and left the room.

Seth awoke from his deep sleep. Time to get up. He rolled onto his side, to swing his feet out, and heard a _squelch_.

" Ohhh no," he muttered to himself. " Not again."

Looking down he saw that, yet again, he had soiled himself while sleeping. It was all over his boxers and sheets. He tended to roll around in his sleep so, it had covered the entire bed.

Sighing to himself, he reached for the cordless phone beside his bed which he had left there after a chat to Summer the night before. Pressing redial, he waited for his girlfriend to pick up.

" Cohen?" asked Summer's voice after a few rings.

" Yeah hey, when did you get caller ID? I thought all those times I've called and you haven't picked up to be a simple case of missed calls, " Seth said, smiling in spite of the bad start to the day.

" Apparently not," Summer replied. " So what's the deal? Why are you calling me now, we're going to see each other in, like, an hour, what can't wait?"

" Uhhh, I messed myself during my slumber again.." said Seth, grimacing at how often he had done this in the past week. He had only told Summer about it last night.

" Cohen...that's not good," Summer said, sighing. " Maybe you should see my pychologist... it could be the cause of stress. Before I was diagnosed with rage blackouts I used to constantly fart. It's--"

A _brrrrrr_ noise interrupted Summer's speech from her end of the phone.

" See I still suffer, but it's much better, " Summer told him in a bright voice. " It'll all be okay, I promise."

" Okay," Seth sighed. " Well, I'd better start cleaning up. I'll see you at school." And with that Seth hung up the phone and began gathering up his sheets.

Sandy got in the car to go to work. What was he going to do about Ryan's problem? Things in his life were hard enough, but now this... he had know Ryan was a messed up kid, but was he really this sick? Maybe he should take him to Marissa's old psychologist; he had really helped her with her depression, maybe he could help Ryan. But Ryan didn't have that kind of problem did he?

And then Sandy started to think. Was Ryan really happy? Maybe he left these little remenicents of himself around because he didn't want to be forgotten. Pretty soon Sandy guessed he would stop wiping. Oh, that would be the last straw. Maybe a psychologist could help him. But Sandy didn't really like psychologists.He thought everything could be solved by family.

That was it. He would toilet train Ryan. Just like he did with Seth when he was three. And then Ryan would truly be a Cohen. A clean, nice- smelling man.

After school Seth and Summer were waiting in the Harbor School parking lot for Ryan and Marissa. It was a hot day, and they could smell Ryan coming from a mile away. Marissa, walking as far away as possible from him as she could without letting his hand slip from hers, had her free hand over her nose.

Summer winced. Marissa hated dirty, unclean guys, but she could tell Marissa cared too much for Ryan to let him know his faecal odour was turning her off.

Looking over at Seth, Summer wondered why both guys seemed to be having bowel problems. It must be something at the Cohen's. She made a silent pact to stay away from there for a while.

" Hey guys," Ryan greeted Seth and Summer as they arrived in front of Marissa's SUV. He smiled at Seth. He hadn't seen him all day. " What's up?"

Summer, trying not to gag, forced a smile and said, " Not much."

But the smell of dookey was overpowering her. Before she could stop herself she said, " Ryan please-- could you WIPE?"

Ryan looked shocked. " I don't need to, I am very clean. I--"

_Brrrrrrr_. Summer was getting angry. " 'Scuse me."

Marissa awoke suddenly her dreams of magic dookey fading away. Her cellular phone was ringing beside her bed. It was Ryan and he said that he wanted to meet to discuss his newly aquisitioned toilet training with Sandy. He was asking her to hold his hand and wipe the first couple of times so that he could get a feel for it.

Julie was getting bored with Caleb so she went looking for a new 'dude' to be with. Somehow she ended up at Michael Jacksons house and they started talking and found out they had a lot in common.

" Wow! I love little kids too! You know, there was this one guy who my daughter dated, and well...I slept with him on many an occasion." Julie was explaining to Michael. Then she leaned into kiss him...

Then all of a sudden, Ryan awoke, sweating. Oh, it had all been a dream. This was just a normal day. Ryan got up and started to make his way out of the poolhouse. Then, to his horror he realised..." I need to go to the toilet!"


End file.
